Antidepressants and weight gain

I’m going to be completely honest here and say that I have fallen off the wagon in a very bad way the last few weeks.

My anxiety hit an all time high, I went to the doctors to discuss it and experienced unbearable panic while there, so much so that I had to be sedated in order to just get through the appointment. My antidepressants were increased to an extremely high dosage, and I was told it was probably a good idea to stay at home for a while, during the time that my brain gets used to the new dose. (Very amusing for someone to tell an agoraphobic to ‘stay home’)
Now I would like to try and refrain from this post being about bashing antidepressants; however in my personal experience, I have never seen positive results from taking them. I do know quite a few people who have had good experiences with them, but as yet I am not one of them. I am still giving my doctor the benefit of the doubt and staying on them in the meantime though. 
Unfortunately, one of the side affects I do experience on antidepressants is weight gain. I am quite short, so I find any weight gain distressing as its very visible on my frame. I tend to gain it all in my lower abdomen as well which is very frustrating! I have put on at least 4kg since being on antidepressants in the last three months. As you probably know I consider myself an active person. I struggled with my weight during my teenage years, but since adopting a healthier lifestyle in my late teens, I settled at a very comfortable weight and my focus at the gym was no longer about losing inches but more just about feeling fit. 

During my teenage years, I also struggled with depression. I remember I used to sit on my computer night after night just binge eating whatever I could get my hands on. I blew up to my highest weight (67kg) around the time I was 16 years of age. It was really shocking for me to suddenly realise how much weight I had put on. I kept thinking, what am I doing? Why am I just eating, eating, eating…never even feeling full? I experienced a lot of horrible events during that time so I suppose I was comfort eating, however I do remember feeling very disassociated  Like I wasn’t the one putting the food in my mouth, or I wouldn’t even really be consciously in the moment while eating.

For reference, here is a photo of me at my heaviest – (I’m on the right with the gold dress) 

 

Anyway, like I said, fast forward a few years, and my weight sorted itself out.

Here is me just recently – (on the left in the red dress)

But that brings me to right now; after being so happy with my body for a long time, the weight gain from the antidepressants is so frustrating. Especially as it becomes harder to shift. I eat such a clean diet majority of the time, and I work out, so to have this weight just sliding on without me doing anything to cause it is making me freak out a bit! 

And here goes, the awful truth: the last few weeks I have been drinking a lot, eating a lot (of crap) and barely working out. I suppose it all just became a bit too infuriating and I kind of gave up for a minute there. The whole mentality of ‘well I’m putting on weight anyway so whatever’ just really won out! I was sitting at my computer this evening, shoving some random biscuits into my mouth when I suddenly had this horrible flashback to my teenage years. I thought to myself, ‘god is this what happened back then? I just sat and ate my way into more depression without giving it any thought?’ 
At that moment I had to stop. I was really glad for the flashback. I needed that reminder. Putting on weight isn’t the end of the world, of course. But it is a step backwards into my recovery, being that it could easily become another reason for me to not want to go out. Not feeling confident, or just feeling ugly and frumpy and saying “None of my clothes look good on me right now, I think I’ll just stay home…” 

No thank you! I’m not entirely sure what the reasoning is behind this shitty side affect, whether antidepressants give you more of an appetite, or that they just make you so zoned out that you eat out of pure boredom….but regardless of the reason, I am going to try my hardest to make sure that it is not something that will set me back. God knows, I already have enough challenges in front of me! 

So starting from this moment, my goal is to stay active, stay in the moment, and not let a drug beat me out of my healthy habits.

Affirmations for this week?

I love and approve of myself,
I treat my body with respect.